HoT ShoT LinK
by XxCraZyGurLxX
Summary: Has Link gone wild? This could be Hyrule's first 'pimpin' guy since... Who knows! R&R!! Mwahahhahah!


HoT ShoT LinK  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Yay.  
  
CHAPTER 1  
  
It's Link. What a stupid name. Reminds me of a breakfast sausage. Here we join our hero of Hyrule, at a dashing 18 years of age! His sleek blonde wisps of hair brushing across his face in the light wind, deep blue eyes gazing deeply into the future. . . and his stupid annoying fairy Navi that suffers from both Alzheimer's and Terrets, floating stupidly behind him.  
  
Anyway, Link sits on a hillside outside Lon Lon Ranch, watching the sun rising.  
  
Link: Hmm. so peaceful and quiet. . . finally. (looks at Navi warily) 'Maybe it's asleep. . . . ?'  
  
Navi: *^&$#&(!!!! HYRULE!! DANGER LINK DANGER!!  
  
~Link jumps, snorting with surprise~  
  
Navi: Danger. . . ~dozes off~  
  
Link: 'Maybe I can ditch it. . .'  
  
Link cautiously and quietly brings himself upright. Staring at Navi intensely, watching every twitch of its wings. . .  
  
Navi: &$*($#&!!!!!!  
  
~Link grabs a glass bottle and stuffs it over the blue fuzz-ball. A blood- shot vein in his eye twitches~  
  
Link: After all these years. You think you can control me!!?? ~ A tear breaks~ You can't do this to me anymore!! Never!!  
  
Link is an emotional guy. He just hides it sometimes. Mostly due to Navi's symptoms. Maybe that's why all the ladies fall for him?  
  
~Rooster crows. His head twitches and looks upward. Kind of like a squirrel ~  
  
Link: I know what to do with you. . .  
  
Navi: Who are you again? ^#^*&! Don't you need to accomplish your next mission?  
  
Link: NO!! NEVER!!  
  
~Link pulls out his trusty. . . DOUBLE BARREL!~  
  
~* BANG *~  
  
~ A blue entanglement of fuzz is all that remains. Link grins evilly~  
  
Wait, wait. . . Link's not evil.  
  
Link: Oh. Yeah. . . ~scowls~  
  
And he can't have a double barrel either.  
  
Link: ~puppy-eyed 'why not' look~  
  
So, Link decides that breakfast sounds good. Duh. His favorite place popped into his head: Zora's Chomein! (yes I said CHOmein. This place needed a restaurant. Chomein rhymed. Back off.)  
  
First, He needed transportation. He was too lazy to just walk. Maybe he'll just visit this ranch and borrow a horse? He remembered this place in his childhood, but couldn't recall much details.  
  
Link: 'Except that hott redhead. . .'  
  
Umm. . . yes Link. . . Anyway, so Link walks up to the ranch up North.  
  
Link (to himself): Why, hello there my lady. How do you do? Remember me? I know I could never forget you! . . . Why, thank you! Oh, well, you can never pass up that great smelling Calvin Klein on sale! Well, you're pretty hott yourself. . . now, now, not here. . . -OOF-  
  
Ingo: Hey! Watch where you're goin' boy!  
  
Link: Oh! Er. um. uh, hi.  
  
Smooth, Link. Smooth.  
  
~Ingo raises an eyebrow~  
  
Link (stupidly): I want a horse.  
  
Ingo: Um. Good for you. . .?  
  
Link is obviously been in the woods too long. Compliments of Navi. Then, in the glowing mid-morning sun, a slim figure emerges from behind the barn past Ingo's shoulder. Link's eyes get bigger and his mouth drops open. That's hott, Link. Keep on telling yourself that.  
  
~ Ingo gets bored and leaves dumb kid to space~  
  
Link regains his sense (somewhat at least.) and walks toward the figure with a confident stride. As he gets closer, he sees the large blue eyes meet his. The sun from behind her made every feature on her face soft and beautiful. . . Her slim hand pushed aside a red strand blown across her eyes. . . those eyes. . . She smiled sweetly up at him. She was so close. . .  
  
Link: He. . . hey.  
  
Her sugary-sweet attitude diminished, her full upper lip curled, eyes squinted  
  
Malon: WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED ME?  
  
~SLAP~  
  
Link: OOF- DUH- Oow..  
  
Malon: Yeah, that's right. You ain't neva gonna tell Miss Malon that you gonna come back when you ain't!  
  
Link: I'm sorry! I was busy! Ya know, saving the world.  
  
Malon: Savin' the world my-  
  
~Link gets excited look on his face~  
  
Malon: Well, I ain't gonna get too crude. . .  
  
Link: 'Dangit. . .' Look, I'm sorry. . . Can I make it up to you with lunch?  
  
Malon stares at him emotionlessly.  
  
Malon: Maybe  
  
Link (in his head): 'Mister Kokiri, you are sooo IR-Ri-zis-TabLe. . .' ~grins~ Well, should we be on our way?  
  
Malon: Um . . . Sure. . .  
  
~Link spazzes out like a giddy school girl and canters over to a random horse nearbye~  
  
Link: Why, Epona! It's time to go! I've got a friend ~wink wink~  
  
Malon: That's uh not Epona.  
  
Epona slowly wanders past Link, who is trying to make sense of his hormone-raged stupidity.  
  
Malon: That's Epona. ~motions towards the white and brown horse, whose ears were now perked at the sound of her name~  
  
Link: Uh, yeah I know. That's who I was talking to.  
  
Malon: Sure.  
  
~Link turns back to face the random brown horse, only to dicover it's butt was now turned to his face. His head jerks back~  
  
Link: Um yeah. So ~mounts Epona with some difficulty~ Let's go! ~pats the space on the horse's back behind him~  
  
~Malon rolls her eyes secretly~  
  
Link: Hiyah!  
  
And so Link heads out of Lon Lon Ranch on his um trusty steed and 'his girl' wrapped around his waist, holding on tightly, working their way towards Zora's Chomein. Link was getting a little nervous under the circumstances.  
  
Link (in thought): 'Girl. . . Around. . . ME. Girl. GIRL!' ~Malon innocently adjusts her grip~ 'Ah! She's goin' for it! I know a sly hint when I see one, er feel one! She wants my body, I know it!'  
  
Link's eyes get huge.  
  
Link: ~sputtering~ Uhh. . . Ermph!  
  
A/N: LINK! Control yourself!  
  
Link: Uh oh yeah. . .  
  
Epona haults to a complete stop all too suddenly for Link.  
  
Link: ~classic Link falling scream~ WaaaaAAAA!! -OOF -  
  
"Why, hello there Linkie boy!" said an all too familiar voice coming from directly above him. He craned his neck up to see . . .  
  
DUN DUN DUUUUN!  
  
A/N: And you'll just have to find out the who what when and where of this new situation when I update next! R&R and tell me if I even should update. . . Thanx! Hee hee hee heeeee! 


End file.
